Why do some adults crave strict order and rigid discipline, while others push for critical thinking and creative solutions?
It’s no secret that at Mahan we strive to find the root cause. We do not shy away from the dark parts, in fact each practitioner seeks to bring them to the light with love so that we can honor them and their truth. This includes how patterns have repeated, how issues have been passed down, and much more – we seek to collaborate and find out how to solve challenges together. Today, we’re going to touch on parenting.
This is traditionally a sensitive subject, but parenting styles are more than just “childhood stuff,” your parents and their behavior plants seeds that shape adult behavior. You can trace your upbringing to a variety of things now including but not limited to autoimmune issues, how you handle conflict , your ability to be empathetic , your fertility in adulthood, your digestive system, your thyroid function, and much much more.
Often, people have a hard time holding their parents accountable while also extending love and grace, or alternatively what is sometimes more common is that there is too much pacifying and not enough acceptance of the anger around their shortcomings. Ideally, both would be honored equally, the grace and love we have for them and the anger around how styles of the past might still be impacting us. I’d encourage you to give yourself permission to hold both – especially as you continue to read on parenting styles and how they might be subconsciously running your behaviors below.
The 4 Main Parenting Styles according to clinical and developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind are:
Authoritative (High warmth, High structure)
- Kids grow up confident, independent, value fairness, and often thrive in collaborative work settings.
Authoritarian (Low warmth, High control)
- Kids grow up rule-following but anxious, often internalize “might makes right,” more likely to seek strong authority figures later in life.
Permissive (High warmth, Low control)
- Kids grow up creative and expressive, but sometimes struggle with boundaries or self-discipline.
Neglectful/Uninvolved (Low warmth, Low control)
- Kids grow up self-reliant, but also distrustful, avoidant, and may struggle with close connections.
Authoritative not Authoritarian would be the goal – plenty of statistics exist now showing that those children tend to be the most successful in terms of a variety of success measures. This includes more than “work” and “monetary” success but also social success, romantic success, self love success, etc.
To conclude, it’s worth noting that parenting styles are ultimately like soil. They don’t determine exactly what grows, but they shape the roots and that’s incredibly important because parenting styles don’t just affect individuals, they ripple into culture, politics, and society.
I encourage any parents reading this to reflect: “Am I teaching my kids how to think, or just what to think?” There’s a lot you can do by allowing your children to ask questions and to encourage them to remain curious and ask everyone questions.
A curious child becomes a very difficult adult to manipulate. Last check in for parents: consider how your style not only shapes your child’s future, but also the future society we live in. For general readers: I strongly suggest taking time to reflect on your upbringing. How did your parents’ approach to authority shape the way you view leadership today?
If you find yourself struggling with any of the above I encourage you to schedule a sessions with our team where we not only hold space, but work with you to discover solutions for the ways your childhood may still be sabotaging your adulthood. Nothing is scarier this spooky season than the unreflected ghost of your childhood or for that matter your parents’ childhood.
References:
Aydoğan, U., DemirciH., & Aydoğan, E. (2024). The Role of Childhood Traumas in Adult Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. Gazi Medical Journal, 35(1), 69–74. https://doi.org/10.12996/gmj.galenos.2023.4024
Craft, A. L., Perry-Jenkins, M., & Newkirk, K. (2021). The Implications of Early Marital Conflict for Children’s Development. Journal of child and family studies, 30(1), 292–310. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-020-01871-6
Harville, E. W., Kruse, A. N., & Zhao, Q. (2021). The Impact of Early-Life Exposures on Women’s Reproductive Health in Adulthood. Current epidemiology reports, 8(4), 175–189. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40471-021-00279-0
Jesuthasan, J., Watson, C. J., Hafeez, D., Lynch-Kelly, K., Danese, A., & Pollak, T. A. (2025). Childhood adversity as a risk factor for autoimmune disease: A systematic review and meta-analysis with implications for psychiatry. Brain, Behavior, and Immunity. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bbi.2025.04.036
Low, E. X. S., Mandhari, M. N. K. A., Herndon, C. C., Loo, E. X. L., Tham, E. H., & Siah, K. T. H. (2020). Parental, Perinatal, and Childhood Risk Factors for Development of Irritable Bowel Syndrome: A Systematic Review. Journal of Neurogastroenterology and Motility, 26(4), 437–446. https://doi.org/10.5056/jnm20109
Muraco, J. A., Ruiz, W., Laff, R., Thompson, R., & Lang, D. (2020). Baumrind’s Parenting Styles. Iastate.pressbooks.pub; Iowa State University Digital Press. https://iastate.pressbooks.pub/parentingfamilydiversity/chapter/chapter-1-2/
Wagers, K. B., & Kiel, E. J. (2019). The influence of parenting and temperament on empathy development in toddlers. Journal of Family Psychology, 33(4), 391–400. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000505
